Not yet my time to shine

I applied for a senior position here in the office but no luck. It was actually a split-second decision to do something ridiculous, and until now I can’t get over with that.

What mekes me think of doing so is that I remember one of my conversations with my sister, that I hope that I would be promoted from my post this year, and if things turn out the other way it will be ok for me, as long as I stay as long as I can… 

One of my close friends told me that there will be an opening for a senior position soon, for she was promoted and her position will be vacant. I waited for that and here it is… 

But one thing that hinders me fist from applying to a higher post is my capability, and nervousness came over. And encouraged by my closest friends, I applied in a split second and proceed with the interview.

Sad to say, I never made it to the last interview with our manager. I never expect more after that. I wasnt prepared for that interview, and what I relied on at that time is the stock knowledge about what I learned about SEO. 

After the interview, the newly-promoted friend of mine and I talked about the said interview. She and the other Manager (whom I was interviewed) said that the interview with me was impressive but since I lacked experience  I wasnt able to make it to the second and last interview. 

I admit that I wasnt prepared. it was an impromptu decision. For me it was quite an experience to have that interview for I know what to do next time opportunity strikes.

Today’s not yet my time. but I hope it will come…  

February :)

I had higher hopes for this mon, not because of having a date on the V-day but because it’s the start of the new month this 2010. 

 As I was typing this blog post, I realized that January was a disaster. Starting the work week on filing a half day and some series of lates is not a very good sign. I realized that I need to do and improve more of myself when it comes to my career path. I had future plans for sure but idk if this will work out for this year. But with God’s promise I’m sure that  it will be a reality soon.

 I realized that I’ve been a hopeless romantic for quite some time. Being not in a relationship for almost four years had made me one. I’ve been fallen in and out of love but now that I’m fallen with a guy friend who’s eight years my senior who’s now in a teaching profession has made me a bit complicated… I can’t seem to stabilize my own emotions. I’m a bit quirky, hyperactive, moody and at the same time clumsy in a way that it made me smile a bit.

Love sure is a magical feeling, no doubt about it. 

As the love day and chinese new year arrives I had high hopes that my luck (and love) for this year will jump high… bring me more luck pls…?! 

Happy Kung Hei Fat Choi/Singles awareness day to all!

Current LSS

Ihip ng Hangin (from Philippine Madrigal Singers)

may binubulong ang ihip ng hangin
may sinasabing napakalambing
habang naglalakad sa tabi ng dagat
ang alon mo’y binubulong ng ihip ng hangin.

wala ka man saking piling
nadarama ko pa rin pag ibig mo
nadarama pa rin
sa ihip ng hangin  

The  song itself says it all, as I keep missing him for the longest time. That even if we’re both in our own worlds as our own corporate slaves I still miss his irresistable smile and wit, also his care and dedication to everything he does, including the music that we both shared. 

I love each and everything that you do, D.

(I hope this feeling will be shared by you… <3) 

Longing…

There are times that even though i’m surrounded by my friends I felt that I was all alone and at lost. IDK why but there’s this feeling that I want to be special for that certain someone. no, I;m not referring to my friends for I don’t want any nessesary special treatments for them but to the certain someone that I’m longing for. All I ever wanted is to be loved by a person that will take me as long as I live. 

I was born independent, and I was already accustomed to be at myself most of the time. This made me feel that I do everything within my reach and This made me realized that I don’t want to be dependent to everyone around, including my immediate family. 

And this is that reason why I broke up with my first boyfriend. And I never regret breaking up with him. I continue to do everything that I love while he’s impregnating someone and continue to be more miserable than before.

Im now twenty six of age and i’m not becoming any younger. Things changed around me and so is my closest circle of friends. Some still wants to be stuck in their pedestal and some wants everyone around to go down, but me as an independent individual managed to get lose and not to go to their level. As much as posible I want to have fun while reaching the prime years in my life and I don’t want to stuck on the low level. I just hope that they will grow up and continue grow in an intellectual pace, to stop being immature, be more open minded and to open their doors to see everything in a different light. 

Right now I’m happy with my close friends, officemates and choirmates. But I’m sad for there’s something missing.

It is something that Is bothering me all this time.

As I look at some couples holding hands, whispering sweet nothings and always together in some places I felt like I want to have somebody at my side doing the same and being taken care of. I may have someone in mind but I don’t think that it will take notice. A childish person that I am, I tend to make friends with this person than to feel shy while having him at my side. 

For being with him is heaven on earth.

But having him as my special someone is wishful thinking.

Asa ka pa Cristal, asa ka pa. </3 

Product of boredom

Seriously, I can’t think of anything else to write. I’m not even in the mood for doing some work related stuff. maybe it wasnt my day after all. everything went black as i stare at the monitor, and even if im writing this post, everything I see is much more of the blue screen of death (on my computer monitor) only in white. 

Series of events happened and it actually pisses me off. A friend of mine also told me that im now an emo person because of the status messages that they’ve seen in my social media accounts in friendster, facebook, plurk and twitter. i dont want any disagreements because of this, and im really sorry that it becomes a hassle for them reading each and every single emo /wrist wall post, it wont happen again.

But shit happens, and we all felt the same when someone pisses you off. the recent thing that made me mad is one of my former choirmates ranting because of me writing a blog post about her on my wordpress blog (I havent written everything against her on the blog, well except here.) And as much as I want to reply on her message I disregard it and take it as a minor misunderstanding. i.ph is now wordpress, THIS is my personal rant blog while my other blog is a choral news (not rant) blog.

One thing I realized these past few days after most of my choirmates left is that im still here. I was thinking to myself why, what’s the use of being in here while others are gone for good? Methinks God is just around the corner at that time, 3 of my close friends (co-sopranos) managed to be there, making us a solid group. It was a blessing not just for me but for the choir group that im in. being a soprano makes us important, for our voice makes all the melodies in a song, and also sopranos are the ones who moves the entire choir, making us the most powerful of all voices. but let’s not forget the Tenors, Altos and basses who are there to create the melody led by us Sopranos, for they are important as well. 

Work, however is becoming boring as always. but it’s a good thing everything went well. I think we still had our hangovers from the Christmas vacation that we long for some longer days of relaxation and fun. and right now summer comes near, and we are now planning to have a company outing as early as now.

And because of this, it makes us more lazy, LOL.

Also hoping to make it to the rehearsal of the former choir that im in (UE chorale). One of my friends in the choir emailed me and asked me to be part of the group that is mostly alumnis, and Im seriously excited about it. i had tons of memories from the day I joined the group. And though im not as good as my fellow sopranos in the chorale group, but the experience that I had with them is really worthwhile. 

And so this is it. I hope readers who drop by here would like this entry. till then. 

<3,

~Cristal