loving, hating and loving myself more

i don’t want to elaborate anything about what I’m feeling right now and why I’m feeling like this. but to sum things up, my work sucks, the people around me sucks, the internet connection sucks and even my family sucks. worse, even the one I cherished the most made me the worst I’m in.

Now who would have thought that all of these has hit me rock-bottom? that I almost forgot the meaning of “loving thyself first before loving others”? this is now the time that I need to fix myself, my job and the desires of my heart, before it’s too late.

Im currently exploring new things, correcting every mistakes that i made and learning from them. so far, i think im getting better into the craft.

Went back to the choir. Singing has been my first and only love. No one can’t take it away. And I vow to sing till eternity.

I want to reach out to my network of long lost friends, friends who have been there through my ups and downs, the ones who accepted me as I am. They were the ones that I lost contact since the day I entered into the relationship. They keep on  rambling about me being isolated in my whole new world, still they were the ones that I cherished the most. not him, but THEM. they’ve been with me first and they know me and my crazy temperament way better than he is. one thing I also realized is that I cant just dump all my girlfriends for just one guy alone. and I just can’t isolate myself to everybody. he may come and gone but my friends can’t.

I need my guy and gay friends. I had a lot of guy and gay friends, and considered some of them my best friends. If ever things went sour and my girl friends were out of reach they were there for me. They were the ones that I could entrust my life with. One thing I also learned is that guy and gay friends never betrayed, cursed and wouldnt say harsh words to its girl friends even though you did something harsh to them. They can also protect and calm you down when things went wrong. Boyfriends can betray, curse you big time and can do verbal or even physical attacks when things in the relationship turns sour, but my guy and gay friends won’t. Instead, they just go with the flow and laugh everything away.

Yes im currently bored with my job. I remember my brother blurting out, “paulit ulit paulit ulit, nakakabobo nakabobo”. My job is an endless cycle of routinary work that makes me feel so stuck up with it. I want to learn new things. I need a new job that is challenging, entertaining and fun. And I think it’s time to smell the fresh air of the new work environment.

Care to help me my friend? I’m currently updating my resume. *wink wink!*