Living in an inception

(from fuckyeahinception.tumblr.com)

B and I watched the most talked about movie this season, “Inception” and it’s all about a person who wants to enter someone else’s dream in order to gain one’s information. The movie has a nice concept and I must say, that I’m now a fan. 

I like the scene where Leonardo Di Caprio’s estranged wife in the movie haunts him during his inception work, and the reason is that after testing the dream machine and  be in a state of limbo, his wife Marion Cotillard (as Mal) wants to live in a world that he and her had created. Rejects the fact that Mal’s in the real world, this had triggeres her to kill herself by jumping in a hotel. Sad isint it? 

Sometimes I wonder if Im still in a dreamy state or not. There are times that everything around me is hazy, or in a world where happy endings exist, or if I enter someone else’s dream where everything and everyone is staring at me and making a fuss around me. And sometimes I saw someone familiar from a certain place where memories flocked like the birds in flight. And this makes me hope and pray to wake up in a reality that once were. 

I had a feeling of living in an inception whenever im riding in a train or jeep,  or lying in my bed with my computer on, or reading a book, or entering someone else’s house or room.This also occurs when I saw someone familiar on a certain place, only to find out that the reason while im staring at him/her is that they were close to me once, but now gone. 

It is a bittersweet feeling. 

And I want to wake up. 

August Rush

July is HELL.

And as much as possible I want the month of july to end immediately. And if I was being asked I want to sleep for the whole month of July and wake up when it ends.

And now as I watch the sun rise in MOA on the first day of August I realized that there’s still hope in me, the early morning heat of the sun, the calming coolness of the Manila Bay, the festive mood in the Mall of Asia, everything I saw on the festive event seems hopeful, that I can look forward for so many things to come.

Oh, did I mentioned that we went to the rexona run at the MOA?

Ok that’s my next post soon, so stay tuned. 

Am I not entitled to have my own opinion?

Due to some certain circumstances, I edited two of my previous post and keep it private. (Not deleted, but made the blog post in private mode) because people reading it may get mad and/or furious on everything that is being typed in this blog of mine. 

I even deleted some of my post in one of my microblogging sites (on plurk)  because I aired out something that I had just observed a while ago. 

It is, because my quiet nature wants to speak. And there are people reacting (violently?) on what I had just said.  

So…am I not entitled to have my own opinion?  

This blog has served my purpose, along with the sites I handled. It is to release all the thoughts that’s running through my mind about anything and everything that has happened in my life, this personal online space has been my refuge and  my breather. The cristal.i.ph blog is me. And no one, not even my family, my friends or my special someone can force me to shut up. 

Just let me rant here ok?

I never force you to read my post anyway. 

Torn

Yknow what? it’s hard for me to trust you again after what you’ve said on your facebook and blog post. So don’t blame me for being such a hardheaded bitch. It will take days, weeks, months or even years to forget everything. Though you’ve already deleted every post you’ve made, every word you said has already etched in my heart. It will be a constant reminded of how immature WE really are. It’s our own fault why we ended up like this…torn, battered down…

 I know, it really looks unreasonable, I’d hurt you fiirst but who could blame me? You hurt me big time.

I still love you and I can’t deny that.  But it’s hard for me to trust you again. Sincere as it may seem, but I can’t see that through your constant messaging through text and YM. If you could do something to trust you again, like courting me and such, maybe I could love you again, just like before.

And now I hate you for letting me go just like that.

So it’s goodbye then.  For good.

you.ruined.me

A simple joke can make or break a relationship, and in my case, not only it ruins the relationship, it could literally tear you apart. It’s like you’ve been put inside the shredder,slowly tearing you into tiny bits…or it could be as worse as being gang raped by unknown street rats and left you naked in public.

Yes I’ve been very wrong to made such a silly joke, I’m such a child at heart really. And I apologize for what I did.

But I won’t forgive you for everything you’ve said against me. The cold, nasty below the belt blog post and status messages is so unforgivable. IDK if you kneel down at me asking an apology for every deregatory word that you’ve said, or making up for everything for the shitty slurs…what you said makes me realize that I’m such a stupid little bitch. Would you think removing all your post against me will make me come back to you? not at all.

Not in a million years, not even a lifetime.

I hate you for making me a bitch that you really want me to be.

You ruined me big time.

Get out of my life dickhead. And don’t ever come back.